Physical attraction attachment styles and dating development
There are many ways to experience this good-enough re-parenting, but it always occurs in relationship with another person (attachment object) who can exhibit secure attachment behaviors at least sometimes.
That other person might be a romantic partner, a psychotherapist, a coach, a mentor, or a friend.
Ultimately, we will die, and our children will continue, and hopefully they will achieve much more than we could in our own lives.
Optimal parenting is a paradoxical practice: we love our children so much that we enable them to both separate from us and to surpass us.
There are two overarching modes of attachment in children and adults: secure attachment and insecure attachment.
Likewise, people with fearful-avoidant attachment often end up paring with other people with fearful-avoidant attachment. Under stress, we now behave with our partner as we did with our parent.
If we have anxious-preoccupied attachment, we become highly distressed when separated from our partner, and aggressively angry— either actively or passively—on their return.
As children, we develop our attachment style in relationship with our primary caregiver, who is also referred to as our .
If our primary caregiver is able to provide good-enough parenting, then we are able to internalize them as an attachment object.Although it’s much more challenging, two insecurely attached adults, with awareness and help, can also develop secure attachment.