So they required professional help to discover what was going on beneath the surface of their distressing dilemma: what it is that was so undermining their union that both now experienced it as tenuous.Doubtless, all couples must deal with differences that, without open-hearted, creative problem-solving, will eventuate in ongoing tensions between them.Over the years, I’ve seen many couples that entered counseling, because they could no longer tolerate their differences.Whether they were still openly confronting their conflicts or merely trying to keep the peace, the friction between them not only had endured, but had grown worse.And that’s when I need to explore individually the (as yet unrecognized) psychological costs of the harsh treatment they’d endured.This is just one of innumerable examples I could offer for when I need to examine seemingly irreconcilable differences in a couple and help them discover a solution viable for both of them.So, for example, their conflicts might relate to: Sue Johnson, the originator of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, argues in her many articles and books that once a couple develops a secure attachment bond, they’re quite capable of solving their own problems — without, that is, therapeutic assistance.But when it comes to core priorities and values, I’ve often found that committed partners may still need to learn what it takes to harmoniously work through longstanding differences.
In this particular example, I’d review with them the most up-to-date literature on the subject.
It’s all a matter of helping him become more motivated to work on what he finally must admit hasn’t served him very well.
For this man’s spouse to try to accept — or better, — his plainly maladaptive behavior won’t, and can’t, satisfactorily resolve the problem.
The simple answer on when to accommodate and when to confront is fairly straightforward.
That is, if any of either partner’s habits, positions.When both partners are willing to experiment with alternative child discipline methods, they routinely report that they work much better than what, till now, they’d been practicing.